


The One Where It's DLU, But Dedede Is Completely Oblivious to Love

by RadiantSeraphina (Lady_Arrowwood)



Series: It's an Alternate Universe, Kirby! [5]
Category: Kirby (Video Games), Kirby - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Romantic Comedy, oblivious to love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-05-28 17:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15054524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Arrowwood/pseuds/RadiantSeraphina
Summary: Meta Knight is at his wit's end trying to confess his love, so it's time to take drastic action by consulting several romance novels for advice, dropping hints like they're going out of style, and (hopefully) keeping his mirror doppelganger from mucking everything up.





	1. The Private Detective's Beautiful Muse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GhostGreninja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostGreninja/gifts).



> Written as a request by @sneakpast and inspired by several messages exchanged with @happinesshall. Some spoilers for Dreamland University Redux but not anything really substantial, and you don't have to be familiar with that fic to follow this one.

Meta Knight handed over his student ID without making eye contact with the worker at the circulation desk. If Meta Knight didn’t make eye contact, he wouldn’t feel the need to explain why he was checking out thirty books or why the majority of those books had shirtless men—with _phenomenal_ abdominal muscles—on their covers.

 

It wasn’t that Meta Knight thought he was too manly to read romance novels or that he was embarrassed by his attraction to those very, _very_ attractive men. Rather, it was that Meta Knight, having skimmed a couple of those novels, was convinced _no one_ should read those romance novels. Sure, Meta Knight was reading them for _research_ , but who would believe that?

 

Certainly not the worker at the circulation desk who was chattering benignly about how wonderful it was to meet a man who was secure enough in his masculinity to read romance novels.

 

Wordlessly, Meta Knight shoved them in his backpack, retrieved his ID, and left. This was beyond humiliating, but _Nova_ , how long did Meta Knight have to drop hints before Dedede caught on? It’d taken _months_ for Meta Knight to untangle his feelings and figure out why Dedede made him feel all unsteady and fuzzy inside. _Then_ , it’d taken a month for Meta Knight to systematically hint at his undying love for Dedede. And how had Dedede responded once Meta Knight finally blurted out _I love you_?

 

 _With a fist-bump_.

 

And a _love you, too, bro._

 

And Meta Knight had thought that—after the whole affair with the Star Rod and Dark Nebula—Dedede might _finally_ piece it together. When they’d stood in the parking lot outside their dorm, Meta Knight in Dark’s borrowed armor, Meta Knight had really thought Dedede would get it. Dedede had leaned close, Meta Knight’s heart had thundered in his chest, and Dedede had put Meta Knight in a headlock and ruffled his hair.

 

Now, it was time for desperate measures.

 

Meta Knight had planned it all out, of course. Dedede was in class. Kirby and Bandanna Dee were attending a lecture about enchanted objects. The apartment was empty when Meta Knight arrived and dumped the contraband onto the living room table. Some of it, anyway. Thirty-plus paperback novels took up an absurd amount of space. He stared at the table for a solid minute. Then, Galaxia appeared beside him. They shared a long, uncomfortable look. “Maybe it won’t be so bad,” Meta Knight offered.

 

 _I have light skin that tans easily, large breasts, and long legs,_ Galaxia quoted. _Truly masterful prose._

“I didn’t take that one,” Meta Knight replied.

 

_And you think these will be better?_

 

Well, surely, they couldn’t be _worse,_ could they? “I’ll skim,” Meta Knight said, as he plopped onto the sofa and reached for one of the novels.

 

The cover of the novel featured a _very_ built, tanned man with long, dark hair that flowed behind him. He pulled a slender woman in a scarlet dress against his chest. Meta Knight’s few minutes of searching had revealed that this type of cover wasn’t uncommon for romance novels, but he still felt…vaguely uncomfortable holding it.

 

 _The Private Detective’s Beautiful Muse,_ Galaxia read. _It looks benign enough—even though the title is atrocious._

Not that either of them knew what constituted a _good_ romance novel title.

“It does,” Meta Knight admitted, as he turned over the cover and read the summary.

 

_Naomi Thunder is a slender, strong and sympathetic actress from the city. Her life is going nowhere until she meets Maurice Plumb, a beautiful man with a passion for booze._

Galaxia positively cackled.

 

“He sounds…”

 

Like the sort of romantic hero that Magolor would write. Not that Meta Knight knew anything about how Magolor would write a romance novel, but considering Magolor was dating Marx, an evil little imp that made bad puns, _clearly_ , Magolor’s taste in men was lacking.

 

“Charming,” Meta Knight offered.

_Naomi takes an instant disliking to Maurice and the stingy and ruthless ways he learnt during his years in the city._

“Doing what?” Meta Knight asked. “Being a loan-shark? Or does living in the city make you an inherently stingy and ruthless person?”

 

 _Maybe Maurice founded a major corporation specializing in magical pharmaceuticals,_ Galaxia said.

Meta Knight rolled his eyes. “Hilarious,” he deadpanned without any heat.

 

_I do my best._

 

But _then,_ Meta Knight was imagining his father as the love interest for one of those romance novels, as one of the many overly-built shirtless men, and that was not an image Meta Knight had _ever_ wanted to have. Meta Knight and Galaxia exchanged a mental look of shared horror.

 

 _I will never forgive you for that,_ Galaxia said.

 

“ _You_ forgive _me_? I’ll never be able to un-see that. Isn’t that punishment enough?” Meta Knight asked.

_However, when a zombie tries to punch Naomi, Maurice springs to the rescue. Naomi begins to notice that Maurice is actually rather gracious at heart._

_A zombie?_ Galaxia asked, still reeling from the unwanted mental image of her champion’s father as a romantic hero. The only thing worse was imagining Nightmare Nocturne as an underwear model.

 

Oh, Goddess. Dear Nova.

 

Meta Knight made a sort of strangled sobbing noise.

 

 _He punches a zombie for her,_ Galaxia said quickly. _Zombie._

 

But now, Meta Knight had the image of his father modeling underwear blazoned in his mind. And there were just some things that no child ever wanted to picture a parent doing. “I’m more confused about why it would try and punch her,” Meta Knight said, “And I _hate_ you.”

 

 _Maybe she doesn’t have a brain,_ Galaxia replied. _That sounds lovely right now, doesn’t it?_

 

“Well…”

_But, the pressures of Maurice's job as a private detective leave him blind to Naomi's affections and Naomi takes up writing to try and distract herself._

Galaxia laughed. _Some detective,_ she said.

 

“But that _does_ sound a bit like Dedede,” Meta Knight offered. “Brilliant, but oblivious. I might’ve made a good choice here.”

 

Galaxia sighed. _Love was so simpler during Bikaia’s time. If you loved someone, you just forged them a magical sword made of your blood. Or you slew a monster._

Okay, but Meta Knight would _still_ probably be charmed if someone forged a sword for him. No blade could match Galaxia, of course, but the thought would be nice.

_Finally, when seductive and beautiful private detective, Sakura Akiyama, threatens to come between them, Maurice has to act fast. But will they ever find the magical love that they deserve?_

Meta Knight scowled. “Oh, sure. Throw in the evil woman from Ripple Star. I’ve _never_ seen an evil foreigner _ever_.”

 

 _Oh, joy,_ Galaxia said.

 

Meta Knight flipped open the book to its first page. “Well, maybe it’s not as bad as we think. Maybe it’s just…mediocre.”

 

As it turned out, Meta Knight was very, very wrong.

 

 


	2. Forbidden Fantasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a couple of conversations (and a piece of art by) and with a few lines from @sneakpast on Tumblr.
> 
> Something to know if you're unfamiliar with DLU is that the Mirror World is set in a pseudo-Victorian era, while Dreamland is modern.
> 
> Also, while I touch on it a bit in-chapter, Bikaia is Kirby in a past life and is...kind of a less morally ambiguous King Arthur type of guy.

Thus far, Meta Knight hadn’t found much success in reading romance novels for romantic advice, but he had high hopes for this one.

 

 _Forbidden Fantasy_ had been one of the few novels that Meta Knight had actually heard of. Recently, it’d been made into a multi-million dollar picture, and Meta Knight recalled a few of his female classmates being very excited about it. A gritty and realistic retelling of the Bikaian legend, it apparently covered the adventures of Brent Knight, a knight in Bikaia’s court, and his great love with Mary Novatrix, a woman who was the secret daughter of Nova. The movie had angered many Bikaia scholars, who’d criticized the film for its inaccurate portrayal of Bikaia, but Meta Knight hadn’t been especially interested in reading about it. People made crappy Bikaia movies all the time.

 

Meta Knight flipped open the book and idly read through the first couple of chapters. Brent—who Meta Knight didn’t recall being in any part of the Bikaian legend—was, indeed, a knight. And if Meta Knight met him in real life, he’d probably have the urge to slash Brent’s tires. Not only did Brent growl all his words, but he was aggressive, obnoxious, and self-righteous. And every single female character in the novel fawned over him.

 

_“How much further is it?” Bikaia whined, as he trudged through the capital like a spoiled child._

_Brent ground his teeth together. He was beginning to regret agreeing to escort Dreamland’s youngest prince through town. The boy was weak and spoiled, and he kept flirting with every woman that stepped within his view. It was infuriating at best. Brent had expected a prince of Dreamland to have_ some _maturity._

_“Not much further, Bikaia,” Brent said._

_“It’s Your Royal Highness,” Bikaia answered, his tone thick with royal haughtiness._

Galaxia snorted. Had she eyes, Meta Knight knew she would be rolling them. The next couple of chapters were much the same. Bikaia was beyond incompetent and apparently—in Brent’s words— _more like the royal flunkie than the royal prince_.

 

Meta Knight definitely understood why Bikaian scholars had hated this book so much. And then, there was _that scene_.

 

There were some things that no one ever wanted to imagine their leaders doing, and Meta Knight could’ve lived a full life without ever having to read about King Bikaia thinking about seducing Dedede’s several times' great-grandmother, after she’d been beaten and thrown in a cage.

 

 _This novel is a travesty! Bikaia was young and impulsive sometimes, but he wasn’t some sort of lecher!_ Galaxia exclaimed.

“Many people found this novel romantic,” Meta Knight argued, “So there must be some merit to it.”

 

_That tells me only that three-quarters of the Dreamlandic population has exceedingly poor taste in literature. For Nova’s sake!_

Well, maybe she had a point.

 

The further Meta Knight read, the more incompetent Bikaia became. Meta Knight held out hope that the novel might at least reach “so bad it’s good” levels, just like Meta Knight’s beloved B-movies. Instead, he felt like he might throw up.

 

_Brent slammed Bikaia against the wall. The prince’s eyes were wide, and his lower lip trembled. “Y—you can’t treat me this way! I’m a prince!” Bikaia protested, his voice wavering._

_Mary placed a gentle hand on Brent’s arm. “Please, Brent. He doesn’t know—”_

_“No, Mary! He needs to learn to respect women and listen to them! They aren’t merely objects to be discarded!”_

_Mary gasped, stunned. Never before had a man ever insisted that her opinion ought to be held so highly!_

Meta Knight stared numbly at the book, unsure whether to laugh or cry. What was worse—that some no-name obnoxious knight was physically assaulting Dreamland’s prince, that Mary was somehow touched by Brent’s cookie-cutter declaration, or that Bikaia was suddenly so…awful?

 

_I vote you set this book on fire and pay the twenty-five deden fee for losing it._

“But Galaxia, it’s _so_ bad. I just have to see what happens.”

 

Galaxia sighed, and Meta Knight read on.

 

Two pages left.

 

_Elise wept, horrified. It was so unfair that Mary was marrying the heroic and handsome Brent, and Elise was doomed to marry King Bikaia, who was so selfish and so cruel. Elise almost wished that Bikaia had fallen to Galacta Knight’s lance. Being forced to wed Bikaia was a fate worse than death, and if Elise’s love for Brent hadn’t burned so strongly, she might have thrown herself from the palace ramparts in despair._

Right. Even Elise, who by all historical accounts was Bikaia's doting wife, wanted Brent.

“Nope!” Meta Knight declared, throwing the book at his feet.

 

 _I don’t know why you even read that much of it,_ Galaxia said. _Did you even learn anything about romance?_

“Well, maybe.  It might not hurt to be a bit more…alpha,” Meta Knight said, wrinkling his nose.

 

Although he personally thought the whole idea of _alpha males_ to be the most absurd thing he’d ever heard and built on flawed pseudo-science, Meta Knight knew that many people _had_ praised Brent as being a romantic, alpha hero. So there must be some sort of appeal, right?

 

Granted, Meta Knight wasn’t _entirely_ sure that—if alpha males did exist—he would _be_ one. Wasn’t Dedede really the more, uh, dominant one? Not entirely, of course. Their relationship was very much partnership of equals, but maybe Dedede _did_ make the important choices a little bit more than Meta Knight.

 

The apartment door opened. “Hey, Mety Knighty! You home?” Dedede shouted.

 

Meta Knight’s jaw dropped. He stared at the book. Then, towards the entryway. In about five seconds, Dedede would be in the room, and he _could not_ catch Meta Knight reading this tripe. He’d never hear the end of it. Meta Knight called his dimensional powers to himself and flung the novel into the nearby mirror at approximately the same time Dedede appeared.

 

Meta Knight leaped from the sofa, pushed Dedede into the wall, and held him there, trying to distract him in case he’d seen anything. Dedede smirked. “Feelin’ feisty, pet?” he asked, his face bright and delighted at the promise of a challenge.

 

Then, Dedede swept Meta Knight’s legs from beneath him. Meta Knight winced as he landed gracelessly on the carpet. He tried to scramble back, but Dedede wrapped his hands around Meta Knight’s wrists and used his weight to pin him down. Meta Knight kneed Dedede in the stomach; he knew that if Dedede managed to use his full weight, he’d easily prevail. Meta Knight just needed to keep him back a little bit. He managed to twist free, but Dedede grasped Meta Knight’s right arm and wrenched it behind his back.

 

Meta Knight jumped at the loud, sharp smack before he realized its cause. Dedede had _literally_ smacked his…buttocks, and while Dedede was probably the _only_ person—aside from maybe Bandanna Dee—who Meta Knight would accept such…

 

Personal? Embarrassing? _An awkward gesture of dubious affection_?

 

Yes. While Dedede was probably the _only_ person—aside from maybe Bandanna Dee—who Meta Knight would accept such an awkward gesture of dubious affection from, it certainly didn’t help Meta Knight’s conflicted thoughts. Meta Knight’s own startled yelp didn’t help much either.

 

“Sorry, sugar cakes! I was aiming for your back,” Dedede said, and he did—in fact—put a firm hand on Meta Knight’s lower back to force him down.

 

Meta Knight considered the position for a second, trying to decide if he could possibly free himself without his powers. Dedede was at least twice his size and using every bit of his weight to keep Meta Knight pinned to the ground.

 

“Had enough, caballerito?”

 

Dedede pulled harder on Meta Knight’s arm, sending jolts of pain all the way up to his shoulder. Meta Knight knew it was possible for Dedede to break his arm at that angle, but he also knew Dedede wouldn’t. That meant he’d hold back a little bit for fear of causing serious injury. Meta clenched his jaw and leaned back into it. It hurt fiercely, but Meta Knight used his free arm to elbow Dedede in his shoulder. Dedede’s grip loosened just enough for Meta Knight to roll onto his back, but now his arm was pinned beneath him. If it’d been his left arm, he still might’ve tried fighting, but Meta Knight wasn’t going to risk pulling a muscle in his sword-arm. “You win. I yield,” Meta Knight said.

 

Dedede released him and soothingly ran his thumb at the crook of Meta Knight’s elbow, coaxing away the sharp, burning muscle-pain. “You know you ain’t never gonna beat me in an unarmed fight,” Dedede said. “Not that I’m complainin’ none ‘bout seeing you finally be bad at something.”

 

Was Meta Knight some sort of…strange person for secretly hoping Dedede would say _I’m not complaining you because I like having you close to me_? Ugh. Maybe he _shouldn’t_ have considered taking serious love advice from a novel called _Forbidden Fantasy_. Clearly, it had corrupted him, and now he was thinking very absurd and unproductive things. 

 

* * *

 

 

Dark, the King of the Mirror World (or at least, all of it save a few still-rebellious bits), stared at the letter in his hand. Since Dark’s ascension to the throne, diplomatic relations had been complicated. Dark Mind had ruled the Mirror World with an iron fist, and even though Dark had pledged to be a better monarch than his father, he hadn’t entirely managed to win over everyone. The peace between Dark and the rebels who’d opposed Dark Mind was tenuous at best, and Dark’s marriage with Dedede, the son of said rebellion’s leader, was probably the only reason for the tentative truce.

 

The rebellion leader Delilah Novatrix brought a whole new layer to the evil, badgering mother-in-law stereotype. Dark sighed morosely and then jumped as a book came hurling through the nearby mirror. He arched an eyebrow and lifted the volume off the floor.

 

It looked to be a very salacious text. Dark whistled between his teeth, admiring the abdominal muscles of the attractively built Dreamlandic man on the cover. He was tall with a strong jaw and short, brown hair, and with a good deal of satisfaction, Dark noted that Dedede’s jawline was clearly superior.

 

Beside the man, there stood a blonde woman who was fair to the eyes, although Dark himself had always preferred women with dark hair. Dark supposed this woman was probably very attractive, though, even if her hair was styled oddly by Mirror World standards.

 

The title read _Forbidden Fantasy_ , something which made Dark’s eyebrows raise even more. There was only one person who could lob an object through dimensions without the aid of the Dimension Mirror, and Dark couldn’t imagine him _ever_ reading something as scandalous as this novel looked.

 

Despite how Meta Knight dressed sometimes—with his bare shoulders, tight trousers, and velvet chokers—Dark was convinced that a priestess of Nova would be more knowledgeable about romance than Meta Knight de Brillante Armadura. Meta Knight wouldn’t know romance if it punched him in the face and broke his jaw.

 

Surprisingly, the volume had words on its back cover.

 

_“Amazing tale of two star-crossed lovers breaking the shackles of society. An incredibly complex yet exciting look into a romance that persists even in the face of war. Extraordinary, melancholic, and sexy.”  –The Dreamlander_

Huh.

 

_An ancient story. A timeless love._

_Dreamland is at war with Halcandra and ruled by a King Adstellam, a king of incomparable cruelty and unimaginable power, but from the midst of these dark times, a hero arises to save the realm._

Dark nodded sagely. King Bikaia, obviously. After all, he _was_ Dreamland’s greatest king, the first Wielder of Galaxia, and Dark Matter’s Bane.

 

**_Brent Knight_ ** _.  Strong. Courageous. Dashing._

_Brent Knight is a young knight in Dreamland’s court. Saving Bikaia, Dreamland’s youngest prince, from execution makes them both fugitives._

Dark vaguely recalled hearing _something_ about Bikaia being nearly executed. Dark’s father had forbidden most knowledge of King Bikaia, but a few snippets of very legends had survived. According to this particular legend, King Adstellam had been at war with the Duke of the Stars, who refused to allow the hunting of Halcandran refugees. In retaliation, Adstellam had taken Lady Elise, the Duke’s daughter, hostage and imprisoned her in a cage in the castle courtyard. Moved by her plight, Bikaia had rescued the young woman and spirited her away somewhere. Bikaia had been caught, though, and was set to face trial by the royal family. Of course, no one would’ve _dared_ defy King Adstellam and declare Bikaia innocent, so the prince would surely be sentenced to execution.

 

However, Bikaia had been clever. He’d insisted on trial by combat, and King Adstellam, assuming that no knight would _ever_ agree to fight on Bikaia’s behalf, had agreed. King Adstellam hadn’t anticipated on the Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy arriving and declaring herself the prince’s champion.

 

But who the deuce was _Brent_?

 

_The young prince is impulsive, foolish, and immature, but Brent sees the potential for greatness in the young prince—if he can keep Bikaia from sending Dreamland down in flames._

Dark stared, nonplussed, at the volume. He couldn’t imagine Bikaia ever needing help from…destroying Dreamland. Bikaia was the model of a good, noble king, which was part of the reason Dark Mind had tried so hard to destroy all knowledge of him.

 

**_Mary Novatrix._ ** _Beautiful. Wise. Mysterious._

_Mary Novatrix is a mysterious, beguiling young woman. She is immediately smitten by Brent Knight’s strength, courage, and rugged good looks. But Mary has secrets, one of which could change the course of history. Can her love with Brent flourish in a war-torn world?_

_Experience the Bikaian legend like you’ve never seen it before._

 

Who was Mary Novatrix? Dark furrowed his brow. He’d never heard of either of these figures. Perhaps Dark Mind had forbidden knowledge of them? Maybe _that_ was why Meta Knight had sent the volume over! Or maybe Dark's dear, little Dreamworld counterpart was feeling lonely and was hinting that Dark needed to pay him a visit. The Mirror World king grinned mischievously. 

 

Then, Dark opened the novel and began to read.

 

 

 


	3. Third Wheel

Meta Knight returned to the apartment feeling completely reenergized. It’d been a while since Meta Knight had really had the energy to properly train, and it felt good to stretch his muscles and feel in sync with Galaxia once more. He welcomed her comfortable weight between his shoulders and the ache of his muscles. Overall, he was in very good spirits. Then, he opened the door.

 

He felt magic, very familiar magic. It seemed his mirror-double had decided to pay a visit. Great. At least, it was six in the morning, and everyone was asleep. That made dealing with Dark easier.

 

Meta Knight kicked off his shoes by the door and quietly padded across the carpet. When he entered his room, he found a nightmare.

 

His mattress was now buried beneath of massive pile of his clothes, and upon the massive pile of clothes, lay Dark. The man wore one of Meta Knight’s dark blue undershirts and a pair of his jeans and perched atop the pile like some sort of clothes-hoarding dragon. That in itself was pretty horrifying, but worse still, Dark had a copy of _Forbidden Fantasy_ in his hands. The Mirror World king’s red iris gleamed with malevolent glee as he nonchalantly licked the tip of his finger and turned a page.

 

Dear Nova. Meta Knight silently prayed for Dreamland’s beloved Star-Goddess to wake him up. This had to be some terrible dream, probably brought on by his lately sporadic and unconventional sleep schedule.

 

He didn’t wake up. Curses.

 

“I had those shirts steamed just last week,” Meta Knight said. “Don’t just throw them on the bed like that!”

 

“Sorry, darling, but you were taking _so_ long to return from sword practice,” Dark replied, “And you have such tight-fitting clothes. I thought I’d try a few on. Why _do_ you dress that way? Bare shoulders and everything!”

 

Meta Knight quietly closed his bedroom door. “Bare shoulders are far from scandalous.”

 

“Next, you’ll be telling me women show their calves,” Dark replied.

 

Meta Knight sighed. He really didn’t feel like dealing with his mirror-double, a man whose world was literally about two-hundred years behind Dreamland, right then, and Meta Knight definitely didn’t want to explain the intricacies of women’s fashion.

 

“And your velvet chokers,” Dark added. “To be frank, darling, only people who work in brothels wear velvet chokers.”

 

“It’s fashion,” Meta Knight replied, vaguely offended, “And most of my chokers were gifts.”

 

“From who?”

 

“Dedede. Delilah.”

 

Dark furrowed his brow. “Are you absolutely certain that the dear duchess isn’t implying you’re...” Dark trailed off and waved a vague hand, “A man of, shall we say, _questionable_ morals?”

 

“My morals are fine,” Meta Knight replied. “What do you want?”

 

“Why, didn’t you want me to visit, Meta Knight?” Dark asked, waving the book. “I assumed you’d invited me.”

 

“Not on purpose,” Meta Knight replied.

 

Now how could he gracefully ask for the book back? Goddess, how much of it had Dark _read_? Meta Knight winced as he remembered a particularly distasteful passage involving Bikaia and a barmaid.

 

Galaxia made a strange, shallow noise.

 

“I didn’t realize you Dreamlanders maintained such salacious historical records,” Dark said.

 

Dark thought _Forbidden Fantasy_ was a historical record. Meta Knight tried to muffle his laughter and snorted instead. “It isn’t a historical record. It’s a romance novel,” Meta Knight replied.

 

“Well, I can see that. It has knights in it.”

 

Meta Knight shook his head. “No, I mean, _romance_. As in...a love story. Not a chivalric romance.”

 

Dark hummed. Then, a terrible grin spread over his face. “So why were _you_ reading it? Were you hoping for tips?”

 

Meta Knight felt his face warm. “No,” he replied. “That’s absurd. Why would you even think that?”

 

Dark smiled a terrible smile. “I looked through your satchel and found a host of books like this one. So I thought, why is sweet, innocent, _chaste_ Meta—”

 

“How do you know if I’m chaste or not?”

 

“Oh, it’s very obvious,” Dark replied. “If Dedede kissed you, you’d probably just dissolve into a puddle. I can’t imagine you doing anything further.”

 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

Dark laughed and flipped a page. “So dear Mety Knighty is suddenly reading love stories,” Dark said. “Don’t lie to me. I _am_ you.”

 

“You know. Technically, you’re a shapeshifter. You could be anyone and just have some creepy obsession with looking like me,” Meta Knight replied.

 

Dark smirked. “It’s so endearing when you try to hide from your feelings. Can’t decide how to confess your undying affection to your dearly beloved?”

 

Warmth flooded Meta Knight’s face. “No,” he insisted.

 

“Meta Knight,” Dark purred. “Isn’t it strange how you become such a terrible liar when it comes to admitting your own feelings?”

 

“I am perfectly fine with my—”

 

Dark vanished, and Meta Knight swore softly, certain nothing good was coming from this. Although Meta Knight knew Dark was probably about to reappear and do something malicious, Meta Knight wasn’t quite fast enough to stop him. A handcuff clicked around Meta Knight’s wrist. It was one of Dark Mind’s enchanted restraints, too, so it took all Meta Knight’s magic with it.

 

When Dark tried to grab his free wrist, Meta Knight punched his mirror-double squarely in the jaw and managed to keep one hand free. Dark tugged on the other end of the handcuffs, the movement causing the metal to scrape across Meta Knight’s bare skin. “Come on, Meta! Just follow me into the Mirror World. Just one little trip!” Dark exclaimed, speaking as if _Meta Knight_ was the unreasonable one.

 

“If you don’t release me, I swear I’ll drown you in your own bathwater!”

 

“So violent!” Dark gasped. “But you have to be my student of love!”

 

“That is the most horrific thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Meta Knight replied, trying to trip his double. “I will _eviscerate_ you if you don’t unlock this right now.”

 

“Oh, no. I seem to have left the keys at home,” Dark deadpanned. “I suppose you’ll just have to come with me.”

 

“As if. You don’t have the advantage this time. One yell and Dedede and Bandanna Dee will come running.”

 

“If they try to interfere, I’ll leave, and you’ll be rendered powerless until I deign to return,” Dark replied, giving the handcuff a light tug.

 

“I have Galaxia,” Meta Knight countered. “I can just cut them off.”

 

Meta Knight placed his hand on her hilt. It was his left hand, so unsheathing and wielding the sword would be awkward. But Meta Knight knew Galaxia wouldn’t let him cut his own hand off, so it was a pretty low-risk solution.

 

“But then, you’ll never know the secret of winning Dedede’s heart,” Dark replied, smirking. “I _married_ my Dedede. Remember?”

 

Admittedly, that was a good point.

 

“I’m sure I’ll figure it out,” Meta Knight replied.

 

The idea of asking the mirror Dedede how to confess his love _didn’t_ sound like a bad idea, but Meta Knight wasn’t going to give Dark the satisfaction—or potential blackmail—that would come if Meta Knight followed the suggestion.

 

The door burst open. Dedede. Of course, it had to be Dedede. Meta Knight internally screamed.

 

“ _Hello_ , beautiful,” Dark said, sauntering from the clothing pile and dragging Meta Knight by the handcuffs. “I must say, you’re looking absolutely ravishing this morning.”

 

“Let ‘im go,” Dedede replied, crossing his arms. “Nova’s sake, ain’t you got nothin’ better to do than torment—”

 

“But I’m here to help you!” Dark protested. “Dedede, you make his—”

 

Meta Knight pulled suddenly, sending a sharp throbbing pain through his wrist and forearm. Startled, Dark stumbled back against Meta Knight, who used his free hand to pin Dark to the bed. Dark shrieked until Meta Knight forced his arm against his mirror double’s head and buried Dark’s face into the clothing pile.

 

“Sorry, Dedede,” Meta Knight said. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Dark just decided to invade my room because there’s nothing to do in the Mirror World. I guess.”

 

Rather than replying, Dedede bent and picked the copy of _Forbidden Fantasy_ off the ground. “Why are you reading romance novels?” Dedede asked. “I didn’t know you were into that, Mety.”

 

Dear Nova. Dedede must _never know_.

 

“It’s Dark’s,” Meta Knight replied, still forcing his mirror-double’s face into the bed. “He asked to read some of our best literature, so I obliged him. I didn’t, however, expect him to invade my room whenever he wanted.”

 

Dark teleported, and startled, Meta Knight fell into the bed. In an instant, Dark’s hands wrenched Meta Knight’s left arm behind his back. Meta Knight winced and kicked Dark in the shin. Dark growled.

 

“Get _off_ of him,” Dedede growled.

 

Meta Knight looked over his shoulder and saw that Dedede had put a warning hand on Dark’s shoulder. “But we were having fun!” Dark whined, releasing Meta Knight. “You didn’t stop him when he had me pinned down.”

 

“Yeah, well, that’s ‘cause I like him more!” Dedede retorted, helping Meta Knight climb to his feet.

 

Dedede gently worked the tip of his thumb beneath the cuff and massaged the delicate underside of Meta Knight’s wrist.

 

Meta Knight glanced away and tried to figure out if he was more embarrassed or more flattered that Dedede had just swooped in and come to his rescue like some sort of knight in shining armor. Well, a knight in a bathrobe, but Meta Knight didn’t really mind that Dedede wasn’t covered in heavy plates of armor. His bathrobe was soft and fluffy. And warm.

 

“I’m hurt,” Dark replied.

 

“Poor caballerito,” Dedede murmured, raising Meta Knight’s wrist and inspecting it. “He’s made your wrist all red.”

 

Meta Knight ducked his head. Dedede’s hand was very nice, and even the smallest touch made Meta Knight’s insides flutter with excitement.

 

“I’ll be fine,” Meta Knight replied.

 

“I know. You’ve handled a lot tougher than ‘im,” Dedede said.

 

Dark wolf-whistled. “Still here,” he said.

 

“I ain’t forgot you,” Dedede said. “I cain’t believe you done come here botherin’ people this early in the morning!”

 

Dark sighed and held his hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine. I’ll free him,” Dark replied, producing an elegant, silver key in midair.

 

Dedede narrowed his eyes but stepped aside. True to his word, Dark freed Meta Knight’s wrist. “Thank you,” Meta Knight replied curtly.

 

Dark smirked and sauntered across the room to the mirror. “I’ll take my leave, boys,” Dark said.

 

The mirror’s surface shimmered, and Dark tossed the handcuffs in. They vanished in a burst of light.

 

“But don’t think we’re done, dear Meta Knight,” Dark replied, winking.

 

Meta Knight considered retrieving Galaxia and jumping after Dark. Not that Meta Knight knew exactly what he’d do after that. He couldn’t actually kill Dark. Just maybe take out some aggression. Duel him into submission. Yes.

 

“I swear I don’t know how he’s a reflection of you,” Dedede said, draping an arm over Meta Knight’s shoulders. “Maybe we oughta get Mom down ‘ere to chew ‘im out good, y’think?”

 

“Maybe,” Meta Knight admitted.

 

But having _Duchess Delilah_ know he was head over heels in love with Dedede might be worse than Dark knowing. Not that Dedede’s mother would be upset. Meta Knight just didn’t...want her to know. He didn’t want anyone to know. Except for Dedede. But Dedede wasn’t taking the hints.

 

However, one good thing had come of Dark’s visit. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to meet with Dedede’s mirror-double and ask how to win over his own Dedede. That wouldn’t be too hard; Meta Knight just had to keep Dark from finding out, and Meta Knight knew someone in the Mirror World who just might be able to help.

 

 


End file.
